She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
