Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
