we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
