im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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