you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
