so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
