Jerry, you need to find god
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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