So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
