Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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