it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I want to fling myself into the sun
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
