What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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