okay pat passed out under dana's car
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize