Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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