so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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