Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
