o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
