I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
