so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
