so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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