Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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