we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
