Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
