Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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