thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
