this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
