I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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