I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize