:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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