I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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