Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
