dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
