Betty ford says i'm here all night
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
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