..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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