Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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