I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
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