proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
