i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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