i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
