Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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