You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
