there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
