Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
