Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
