And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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