Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
