a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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