You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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