i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
