the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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