I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
