with your own penis?
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
