just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize