She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I wish I could punch you in the face.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
