Actions speak louder than pants.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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