you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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