The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
