You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
