the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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