Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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