is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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