do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I have tasted many bathrooms
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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