the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
no, he came in my armpit
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
