Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
