I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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