Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
