sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
