My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
