giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
