well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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