That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
