Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
