That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
