HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
