3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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