We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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