What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
