Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
