all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
