he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
