my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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