This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
