In the future we'll all be gay
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
