Only a mothe r could love this liver
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
