hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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