just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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