I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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